Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
