I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
