You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
