Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize