Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
