If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
