Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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