He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
40s are totally the cure
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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