Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
