Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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