I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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