What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
