It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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