You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
