epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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