It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
