Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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