You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
