So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
