There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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