like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
