he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
