yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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