No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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