I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
