Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
