maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
