Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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