I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
