I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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