Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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