$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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