Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
