No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Come share oat with me in your robe
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
