She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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