And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have post one night stand depression
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
