Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
