we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
