I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drake has all the answers
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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