My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
