so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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