Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
