My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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