Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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