So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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