Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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