You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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