so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
