Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
