You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
