My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
