I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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