hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
