The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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