He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
