Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
