if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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