Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
