theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
