I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize