it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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