carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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