i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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