i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
