worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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