His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
COCAINE IS GR8
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
