If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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