..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
