I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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