Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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