if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have so much sex to catch up on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
