I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize