also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
