I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
