my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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