similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
