You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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