Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
