I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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