Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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