Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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