she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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