anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize