No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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