I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Still dying that you shit outside
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
