Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
