i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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