My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
