Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
