I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
