whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
