looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize