Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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