I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
